i had the craziest dreams last nighttt… not hard to tell what’s been on my mind. but now that i’m done with all my finals except psych makes me feel A LOT better. 3 more days til i’m home with my fraaanz! weird that it’s only a few more days after it’s been 4 and a half months. ay yi yi.
more days until i’m home.. did well on my spanish final, i think, so that’s good news for the day. otherwise i’m still in a crappy mood :( iphones should automatically delete old messages like blackberries do. or maybe i should stop subjecting myself to pain lol. i’m as bad as a masochist, i swear.
now let me finish this reading so i can justify talking to clara on the phone and catching her up on my lifee from before thanksgiving.
i guess i’m just in a pretty sucky mood… but it is so frustrating when i feel like i don’t fit in or have a comfortable group of friends. who woulda thought i would find it hard to feel included… ?? i mean i have stu and his friends that like me well enough, but it’s different when i’m talking to someone cus obviously he’s gonna make me feel included when he’s interested in me. but i feel like he’s the only one here that genuinely enjoys my company, and everyone else just thinks i’m weird or just doesn’t care if i’m there or not. meg told me she didn’t find her group of friends til the end of freshman year… which gives me some comfort. but at the same time, not at all because that means i still have something like 6 more months until i find my niche. that’s half a year. i hate complaining online cus i’m just gonna read this later and think “wow, i’m lame” but it’s making me feel a little better banging this all out on my keyboard.
AND I CAN’T SEEM TO FOCUS ON STUDYING FOR FINALS? this week is gonna kill me.
there are some people in this world who are just really inspiring. like mallory for example. she just got this amazing internship at the state department for this summer and basically her whole life is just something i admire. i need to be around more people like her. i’ve changed a lot since i’ve been at college, but in many ways, i haven’t changed at all. i guess it’s a slow process… and at least i recognize it. that’s the first step.
i just downloaded a whole bunch of songs by kendrick lamar. he’s really good! wasn’t expecting that. love when stuff like this happens. also, i did pretty well on my spanish presentation today, and our dance at halftime didn’t look as bad as it felt! all in all, it’s been a great day.