but in all seriousness, today is so good. it’s not as warm as yesterday but it’s still pretty nice cus i’m only wearing a cardigan. i’m in the library ACTUALLY doing my reading for AmCon, and it’s all about architecture and thomas jefferson which is pretty cool and interesting. i’m really, really, really looking forward to my dance practice later tonightttt i woke up feeling SO excited because of it. buuuut anyway, i got to thinking about my life here in my “academic village” and how happy i am to be here. i know i say that all the time, but for every time i’m homesick, the amount of times i feel this way is 3x that. so i think it’s safe to say i made a good choice in coming out here.
i’m also listening to my ipod and all these songs keep coming on and i get to thinking about who they remind me of, and the time in my life they remind me of. i keep thinking about the end of senior year, and the beginning actually, and summertime. i feel bad sometimes thinking that maybe he hates me or maybe wishes he never dated me or wasted his time with me, maybe he feels like he and her were “meant to be” this whole time. it makes me feel a little bad but not too much because it might be true! and even if it is, i know we had some good times. we definitely made each other happy at least some of the time. and maybe when i meet my next dude i’ll feel the way he feels, too. i can’t really imagine how i’ll feel when i finally meet the special guy. it’s crazy to think it could happen any second. now i’m being sappy and shit but in all honesty… CRAZY. i love sitting with the girls at lunch or dinner and just thinking about how we’ve changed in the short two months we’ve been here. it feels like forever, and i feel like i’ve already grown so much. i’ve really begun to realize what i want out of my relationships with people; girls, guys, family, teachers, etc. my thinking and behavior have begun to change in terms of how i want people to perceive me and treat me, and why i do the things i do - for the actual goodness of that action rather than feeling obligated to. it’s funny because all the things adults told me my whole life to guide how i act, i’m actually consciously doing now without them telling me, like i’m consciously making the choice to act a certain way instead of feeling obligated to. it’s like i can feel myself growing up. WILDDDD.i just feel so lucky and happy to be alivee, and where i am in this moment :) okay sappiness and shit is doneee.
anna gorman and i are about to head to psych now, sooo peaceeee.
i just wanted to post and say i got so much work done today, it’s insane. i love feeling accomplished. hopefully this will be motivation to be this dedicated every dayyy. but who knows hah. so happy it’s almost thanksgiving, i can’t wait to see the familyy. just gotta get through the next two weekss. at least i got harry potter to look forward to before then! after thanksgiving is literally gonna be crunchtime, but we won’t talk about that. the weather the past two days has been gorrgeous too. 65 and sunny in november, whaaat!? but i ain’t complaining. i love ittt. hopefully it’s like this tomorrow, i might even wear a dress!!
Don’t attach yourself to anyone who shows you the least bit of attention just because you’re lonely. Loneliness is the human condition. No one is ever going to fill that space. The best you can do is know yourself; know what you want.
couldn’ta said it better myself.
i have had some strange dreams the past couple of nights… i’d go into detail but they’re much too much.
i’m sitting in amcon right nowww, not listening to the prof. ayyyiyi.
“If somebody likes me, I want them to like the real me, not what they think I am. And I don’t want them to carry it around inside. I want them to show me, so I can feel it too. I want them to be able to do whatever they want around me.”—The Perks of Being a Wallflower
“The Hatter put his hands on his hips; his gaze was accusing. “You’re not the same as you were before,” he said. “You were much more… muchier… you’ve lost your muchness,” he finished, nodding as if that made perfect sense.
He crouched and poked her in the stomach with his finger. “In there,” he said. “Something’s missing.”—Alice In Wonderland